| (no subject) |
[Feb. 2nd, 2005|10:22 pm] |
| [ | my shriveled brain still works |
| |  worried | ] |
| [ | lullaby in my ears |
| | i wouldnt exactly call that music out there. | ] |
the wind scares me. a lot. i hate wind. it has no good purpose and i am once again re assured why id dont beleive in god. okay rock sedement benefits from wind...but uhh no we dont need it. im sure of it. ive always hated loud loud howling wind for some reason. and theres no reason to be afraid. but im terrified by it. and i want it to stop.now. |
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| this is familiar.... |
[Jan. 21st, 2005|10:31 am] |
| [ | my shriveled brain still works |
| |  thoughtful | ] |
| [ | lullaby in my ears |
| | janis fucking joplin :) | ] |
well well well. im welcoming myself back to ihavenolife journal. seems like its been centuries since ive babbled on about myself on here.
yess your right you right, i should be at school. but im not.
but in a matter of moments...or hours really...my face will be back in the crowd of dozens upon dozens of whining marching ants shuffling on by..thanks to our brainwashed little minds.
oh well i guess it will always be like that now wont it
i am highly anticipating the enjoyment i will endulge in when 8am comes saturday morning.
i better get used to it... i have 4 more to go. i guess its not too bad though...sitting on my ass for 4 hours writing and writing until there is nothing left to possibly write.
and as for this little devil on my shoulder... its practically impossible to push away. i tried, i really did. but i cant take the absence of my brain and my alertness. better luck next time.
i had no clue i had so much up there waiting to be pulled out...i could go on and on and on and on...and if no one stops me i just might...
anyways, moving on...
when i examine my entries from last year...
its scarily bizarre to read back at what i transfered from my head onto here. i dont know that person. and im pretty sure i dont want to. my whole body starts to cringe when i read everything. i had no clue how i would be rattled in the very near future that lied ahead of me. and to think it was just by my own thoughts and scale of how i should be.
it takes me back to those moments i didnt even recognize myself. and i dont want to be in that scene...not one part of me.
i guess im done. its nice to be back...although its gunna take some warming up again. |
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| scaaaaary |
[Jun. 12th, 2004|10:37 pm] |
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wowow this tupperware box thing in my closet just fell on the floor by itself.and iwas just sitting here...minding my own business.then noise and i inspect. i havent moved that box for like.. a week.my house is haunted.ohohidontlikeit.one more reason to hate it here... |
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| ilikethiscollege |
[May. 22nd, 2004|07:56 pm] |
| [ | my shriveled brain still works |
| |  frustrated | ] |
| [ | lullaby in my ears |
| | the commercials from the tv above my head | ] |
helloooo you.im currently at ucla, in the student center to be specific.this buildong tickles my fancy.the sound of this built-in keyboard is quite a fine tune in my ear.well im here for my sisters art exhibit.i love that gal with my little shriveled up heart.and amber came along to join the fun.oh oh such good food/that i shouldnt have eaten.hmp.quite contradicting...im sitting here complaining about food when the art exhibit is based around eating disorders.scandalous... |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 16th, 2004|05:41 pm] |
| [ | my shriveled brain still works |
| | dusty.from cleaning. | ] |
| [ | lullaby in my ears |
| | ladytron | ] |
YEESSSSSSS MY LAST DAY BEING LOCKED UP LIKE A BANDIT IN JAIL. noooo more grounded for me. world...heeeree i come
my weekend. fri movies. sat shopping and babysat. the same little gal that talked to elmo. only this time it was her baby sister.her doll.actually 3. and sun cleaned my room and got ride of a humongous heap of old clothes.i feel new.kinda. |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 9th, 2004|06:53 pm] |
| [ | my shriveled brain still works |
| |  blah | ] |
| [ | lullaby in my ears |
| | fischerspooner | ] |
oh i dont wanna grow up. everythings so easy when your a tiny tike. no essays or tests or jerks or stupid people getting in your way, just toys and funn fuuun and light up shoes. my moms friend carol brought her 4orsomethingyearold daughter to brunch today . i swear, that girl talked to elmo on the phone for 15 minutes. quite an imagination. i wonder what elmo could possibly be saying..... |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 6th, 2004|05:12 pm] |
| [ | my shriveled brain still works |
| |  stressed | ] |
| [ | lullaby in my ears |
| | poe | ] |
uuurrghh i just did a whole entry and it miraculously disappeared right before my eyes. damn computers. oh ohhh the summers so close i can taste it. |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 2nd, 2004|01:40 pm] |
| [ | my shriveled brain still works |
| |  chipper | ] |
| [ | lullaby in my ears |
| | my mom chewing her lunch.how lovely | ] |
i love this weather it inspires me to be active. last night i went to roscoes oh ohhh ohhh its soooo gooooodddd i<3chicken+waffles. and i had a cutsey little sleepover at my sisters. and watched trainspotting. but i fell asleep...i always fall asleep during gooodd interesting movies its quite inconvenient. oh yaa and we went to the library not the books one but a coffee shop and someone thought i was 22! that blew my little mind away. she was like a bajillion 88138 years off. but that means when im 60 ill look like 209 and thats not good. oh save me. |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 30th, 2004|10:11 pm] |
| [ | my shriveled brain still works |
| | im feeling everything | ] |
| [ | lullaby in my ears |
| | you think its like this but its really like this | ] |
yepp its friday night. and look where i am. with you. i am trapped in this black hole of numbness im living in. no its not even as entertaining as numbness. whoever invented groundation deserves to wrot in hell. i was watching tv and thinking a bit ago...that everything seems to make me sad. even the ending of frasier is sad. i hate that hideous show but... all that dramatic music. everything in this world seems to be ending abrubtly. well events have always been over with, i was just too ignorant to see that. its clear now. and I must too conform and end something. goodbye. |
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| fun fun weekend |
[Apr. 25th, 2004|06:47 pm] |
| [ | my shriveled brain still works |
| | i am filthy | ] |
| [ | lullaby in my ears |
| | cat power | ] |
i am officially a dust ball. being in the desert well i think it was the desert (joshua tree?) for a weekend does not do anything good for a gals complexion. andd no shower for the whole weekend. but it felt good to live the life of a bum. sorta like a bum. i appreciate water. my body is crying for help. and so am i well i didnt actually go to the desert to wreck my skin i went to quad :) i love it. like a rush of happiness. and i dont get that much. but this guy got hurt and wrecked his liver thats not too fun. i only got a little hurt this time but nothinggg else. join me in my masquerade of the mountain men. i am one with the sand.
this music makes me want to lie on a gigantic bed the entire day in silk pajamas drinking aquafina and sulking.
take one of my quizzes. |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 23rd, 2004|12:30 am] |
1: grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 18, find line 4. write down what it says:
All Right. (what a crummy line :/
2: stretch your left arm out as far as you can. what do you touch first?:
air
3: what is the last thing you watched on TV?: style court
4: WITHOUT LOOKING, guess what the time is: 11:24
5: now look at the clock, what is the actual time?: 11:39
6: with the exception of the computer, what can you hear?: my mouse clicking and the keys of the keyboard clapping
7: when did you last step outside? what were you doing?: about 10:15. getting into the car from my moms house from retrieving my script
8: before you came to this website, what did you look at?: megans IM
9: what are you wearing?: pe sweats and the hb marathon thingy shirt
10: did you dream last night? yess it was quite wierddd tooo
11: when did you last laugh? with my dad in albertsons
12: what is on the walls of the room you are in?: calendar, shelves, picture collage thing of my old soccer team
13: seen anything weird lately?: yes quite a few things
14: what do you think of this quiz?: entertaining
15: what is the last film you saw?: umm wow cant think of one...uhhh...oh well grease was on tv the other night and i watched it for like 2 seconds. oh no no i saw that one movie on fri night. about those ladys that pretend to be drag queens, dont remember the name.
16: if you became a multi-millionaire overnight, what would you buy first?: id shopppp my rich ass off.
17: tell me something about you that i don't know: i like to read.but only good books.maybe you knew that though. questions too vague...
18: if you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt or politics, what would you do?: give all homeless beings, animals and humansand whatever else there is, a safee warm place to live. ones that want one that is
19: do you like to dance?: yess especially intoxicated
20: george bush: our mother fucking president. urgh.
21(a): imagine your first child is a girl, what do you call her?: shit do i look like id have a kid right now?
21(b): imagine your first child is a boy, what do you call him?: gimme like 11 years
22: would you ever consider living abroad? yepp im hoping i will
23: will you pass on this survey? laziness has taken over my body. |
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| 1<3quizzes |
[Apr. 23rd, 2004|12:27 am] |
1) Using band names, spell out your name
Belle and Sebastian
Rilo Kiley
Interpol
The Gossip
The Kills
Alanis Morsette
Neil Diamond
Yeah yeah yeahs
2) Have you ever had a song written about you? nope :/
3) What song makes you cry? "I Will Remember You" by alanis morsette i know so sterotypical.
4) What song makes you happy? "Toxic" by briney spears. come on its grrreat.
5) What do you like to listen to before bed? the rolling stones
a p p e a r a n c e
height: around 5'3
hair color: blonde/red. like the band...
skin color: really white
eye color: green/blue
piercings: 2. my ears.
tattoos: noneee.
r i g h t n o w
what color pants are you wearing?: grey mesa view sweats. comfort is the key to success.
what taste is in your mouth?: mint toothpaste.
what's the weather like?: very dark. because its 12
how are you?: alright i guess. ive been happier.
get motion sickness?: yess urgh.
have a bad habit?: stuttering and mumbliong my words. its newly discovered...
f a v o r i t e s
tv show: The oc. terribly addicting...
conditioner: my haircare ends with shampoo
book: the bell jar
non alcoholic drink: peach iced tea snapple
alcoholic drink: dont have one. anything that does the trick is fine by me.
h a v e y o u...?
broken the law: yep
ran away from home: nope
snuck out of the house: noppee
ever gone skinny dipping: yeeees i have.
ever tipped over a porta potty: haha no never had the pleasure of doing so
used your parents' credit card before: yep
skipped school before: yes i should stop.
fell asleep in the shower time/bath: water is warm and comforting.
l o v e
girl/boyfriend: no
children: only the eggs in my vagina waiting to be set free
current crush: no one. my heart doesnt work.
been in love: no
had a hard time getting over someone: YESSSSS verrryy difficult to get rid of...sheeshh
been hurt: oh yes.
your greatest regret: having to regret things. which i do.
gone out with someone you only knew for three days: no
r a n d o m
do you have a job: nopee i fend for myself.
your cd player has in it right now: bikini kill
if you were a crayon what color would you be?: white
what makes you happy: having someone you dont have to question.
what's the next cd you're gonna get?: mirah. the one i dont have
w h e n / w h a t w a s t h e l a s t...?
time you cried: sunday
you got a real letter: like 3 years ago.
you got e-mail: last week. havent checked since
thing you purchased: food from steves
tv program you watched: style court.
movie you saw in the theater: dont remember the name but the one about those ladys who pretend theyre drag queens.
y o u r t h o u g h t s o n
abortion: all for it
teenage smoking: my lungs are dying
spice girls: funnyy. i like
dreams: endlessly evaluating and wondering their meaning |
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| Hmmmm... |
[Apr. 20th, 2004|09:59 pm] |
| [ | my shriveled brain still works |
| |  discontent | ] |
| [ | lullaby in my ears |
| | the vh1 divas thing in the backround | ] |
weelll i dont have much to say.......hm today nothing special happened. i didnt go to math and had some funnn instead i love pastries. i havent been in to math in a week and a half...but i truely hate that class...what should one do? yesss my choice too. i need a new fucking sn i mad my currenttt one twwwwo or something years ago. when i was hardcore geeekkkk and i didnt even know it. atleast nowww i know it. HA i completely forgot the most important part of my day...i had freeeee pizzzaaa and mannn was it scrumptious i gobbled it up like a bat outta hell. megan apparently runs like a bat outta hell..onlyyy for certain authorities though. welll well i managed to say a lot although i dont have a lot to say...whatever. <3
ps. happy holidays to you stoners that are tokinnn it up. ha |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 18th, 2004|12:37 pm] |
| [ | my shriveled brain still works |
| |  indescribable | ] |
| [ | lullaby in my ears |
| | in a white room with black curtains near the station. | ] |
holyy shitttt. last night was a BUST. well not at first. it was really fun until 1:00 then i got sick and gregs parents came home...and they werent what youd call lenient. they fucking called the cops and to sum up my story...
i dont have a life until school gets out......2 months. thats a whooole lot of internet time so get used to me.
oh ya and the "substance abuse" as she calls it has got to stoppp.hmphhh.... |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 16th, 2004|01:17 am] |
| [ | my shriveled brain still works |
| |  sleepy | ] |
| [ | lullaby in my ears |
| | coldplay -clocks | ] |
Ooh Taco Loco is good. potato taco anddd this wierd spongy brownie thing. mmm good good goood. norels monkey face is the fuunniest thing ive evvver seen ever. my dog is looking at me i think hes the sweetest person err i mean creature ive come across in my life. i wish the worrrld had his heart. hmm in human form. woww im tired i though i was gunna pass out at 8 boyyy how time flies. better give my weary eyesss a rest. how i love comffyy places. |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 15th, 2004|08:48 pm] |
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im sittting. obviously. lasstt night was funnn funn. ...but but hangovers succkk, atleast no throwing up. theeres a fucking rope hanging. string beans. string cheese. ahh haha. spring breaks almost goonne:( |
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| urgh |
[Apr. 12th, 2004|10:06 pm] |
| [ | my shriveled brain still works |
| | GRRRR | ] |
| [ | lullaby in my ears |
| | portishead | ] |
my mood is horrid so this is guna be cranky. im going to bottle this up and save it for next time i feel like getting into a brawl or ahuge street riot or maybe even a rebel against everything and everyone and everywhere. it could come in handy someday. |
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| .......................... |
[Apr. 12th, 2004|02:29 pm] |
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i think im in between being completely happpy and...not? completely? happy? that once yuck feeling has stopped lurking inside me as it has been so much lately, but there are still some remains that i have yet been able to push off. i just want to put a bottle of windex to the tesha nd clean it all out. and pretend it was never there...or wish it wasnt. that would be a time of worship. last night was suuurre interesting, i think my mind left me for a few hours. and the slurring was the hardest to control. a task i couldnt accomplish, and i think grandpa noticed it most of all. |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 16th, 2004|05:21 pm] |
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ya well i just got home from track...ahhh its so boring. actually, i did pole vaulting instead of discus or however you spell it. ya thats a fun sport. maaann i hate school. well im bored already so... |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 9th, 2004|10:10 am] |
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10 10 make a wiiiiish |
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